Man became so good at being afraid, that the very first thing he invented was a special way to be afraid. He called it "cowering", and thought it quite clever. He could cower while eating. He could cower while sleeping. He could even cower during those trips behind the bush. Man was so content with this, that for a very long time the only other things he managed to invent were the backache, the neckache, and a new use for the leaves on a bush.
Then one night a Man did something new. While he was cowering in his sleep, he Dreamed. In his Dream, he was no longer afraid. In his Dream he no longer cowered. He stood tall and upright, and was the Master of all he could see. The Sky was his domain. The Sea was but a playground for his amusement, as well as a handy place to put all of that stuff that kept piling up behind the bushes. The Earth he could reshape and plunder at will. In his Dream the Man even harnessed the power of The Sun! More wonderful still, in his Dream there were neck rubs and chiropractors. In his Dream there was TOILET PAPER!
When he awoke the Man rushed to tell the others of his Dream. "You're mad!" said the others, "Gone quite far around the bend, you have." "You need to go behind a bush a take a load off your mind," they suggested. Though they did agree that part about the "neck rub" was quite clever. In time, however, more of them had the Dream as well, until, one day Man rose up as one and set out to make the Dream come true.
First they tamed Fire to drive back the Darkness. In doing this, they learned as well that sleeping in a warm place was much better than freezing to death. They also discovered how to cook breakfast, reheat lunch, and burn supper. Next they learned that if they stuck the little crunchy bits in the food down into The Earth, more food would grow, then they wouldn't have to travel so far to find the next batch. They could actually make The Earth work for them! Man's life became much busier than before. Now there was make Fire, eat, stick the little crunchy bits in The Earth, eat some more, trip to the bush, sleep, and, most importantly, Dream of new things for tomorrow!
Man next set out to bend the other Beasts to his will. First he gave them names, so that the stories of his cleverness would be less confusing. For those he liked best, Man kept it simple, Duck, Chicken, Pig, Goat, Cow and Horse, things of that sort. With the other Beasts, he became quite creative, Orangutan, Hippopotamus, and Crocodile, for example. Platypus remains to this day Man's most creative name for anything. Some of these creatures he gathered about him simply because they were tasty. Others he found could be made to carry things about, thus helping with the backaches. Man even learned how to make some of the larger Beasts carry him from place to place.
About this time, one Man decided he wouldn't bother sticking his own little crunchy bits in The Earth. He would let others do it, and wait until their food grew, then simply bonk them on the head and take it. It was a very simple process. All that was required was a bit of patience, and a rock or a big stick. Someone should have said, "Hold on you! We'll have none of that!" but they didn't. Soon many began doing this together, and thus Man invented "War", which for many, still remains a favorite pastime.
Man began to divide himself into groups. Those who were fond of sticking the little crunchy bits in The Earth were called "Farmers", those who fancied working with the Beasts were called "Herders", and those who preferred War were called "Warriors". They thought about calling them "Bonkers", but it didn't have the same ring to it. Those who did none of these things, but were content to simply follow along and do whatever they were told were called "Sheep". Later he would use the same name for the Beasts that behaved in this way. One would think this last group would not fare well, but, sadly, most of the creatures called "Man" alive today fall into this category.
Man's next great discovery was the bright shiny bits left in the bottom of the Fire. No one knows which Man first did this, but most agree that it happened after eating and before the trip behind the bush. Someone was playing in the ashes, and said, "Look! Bright, shiny bits!" They should have just bonked him on the head with a rock or a big stick, but, they didn't. At first Man didn't know what to make of these bits, but they were bright, and shiny, and new, so he kept them and looked for ways to make more. Man called his new invention "Metal", and it was to change his life.
Eventually all the groups of Man found wonderful uses for Metal. The Farmers made new things to dig into The Earth, and the Herders made all manner of useful things for their Beasts. But, it was the Warriors who used it the most, for they found that sticking others with a sharp, pointy Metal bit was far more efficient than bonking them with a rock or a big stick. After this development, many Wars were avoided by simply saying, "Take what you want. Just, please, don't stick me with that sharp, pointy Metal bit!" This also led to the beginning of a new group of Man called "Miners", whose only job was to dig about and look for more bright, shiny Metal bits.
This was the sum of Man's life for a very long time. Farming, Herding, Mining, and sticking one another with sharp, pointy Metal bits. Then one day a Man said, "Look! I've found a very clever way to fits lots of tiny Metal bits together. I call it a "Machine!" They should have stuck him with a sharp, pointy Metal bit, but they didn't. Soon many others began to do the same and another new group was born. Man called them "Engineers", and just about everything Man did wrong after this point is THEIR fault.
With the coming of the Engineers, Man began to build great things called "Buildings", which he would then stand on top of, and proclaim his greatness to The Sky, The Sea, The Earth, and The Sun, all of whom could not care less. He built large groups of these buildings and called them "Cities." About this time Man also began to learn ways to fix himself. He learned to treat diseases and how to patch up the holes made by sharp, pointy Metal bits. Those that focused on this became a new group called "Doctors" and, in the beginning were a very good idea. With Cities, Man began to make up Rules for himself, which he called "Laws", this, too, was a very good idea. This led to another new group who did nothing but make the rules so complicated, everyone else needed them to explain. They were called "Lawyers", this was a VERY BAD IDEA! Anything not readily blamed on the Engineers, should be blamed on the Lawyers. Someone should have pushed the first one off of a very tall Building, but they didn't.
Next, Man learned to travel upon The Sea. He learned to harness The Sea and even the winds of The Sky, and make them drive his Machines. He learned that he could actually burn bits of The Earth for this purpose as well. This left all manner of filth on The Sky, but Man did not care, Lawyers said it was allowed.
With all of the Buildings, and the Cities, and the Lawyers, Man's life became very complicated, until it all became too much for him to manage alone. At this point the Lawyers invented a New Beast which could do anything! It could Farm, or Herd, or Mine. It could build Buildings or even Cities. The New Beasts could run all the Machines. They even taught them how to make War! The Lawyers called their New Beasts "Corporations", and they were the beginning of the End. Today anything that is not immediately recognizable as being the fault of the Engineers or the Lawyers, MUST be blamed on the Corporations.
Not long after the invention of the Corporations, Man learned to fly and even to harness the power of The Sun, though only the Warriors had access to this power. They called it Nuke! They should have only used it on other Warriors, but they didn't.
In time, Man gave control over more and more of his life to the Corporations, until one day he looked around and realized that very little was left of the world he once knew. The Sky was filthy and poisoned, The Sea was just as bad, and smelled like the back of a bush, The Earth was burned and scarred in ways that would take ages to repair, and the once mighty Sun, now barely even visible, seemed to be getting much warmer. "This has to STOP!" Man cried, "Are you mad?" The Corporations ignored Man. Man no longer controlled them, they now controlled him!
Still believing he was in charge, Man tried to stop the Corporations. He tried to use Laws, only to find that the Corporations OWNED most of the Lawyers. The Corporations had in fact been writing the Laws for some time now, and writing them to serve the Corporations NOT Man! Man realized that even his food was no longer recognizable. Most of what he ate now was made not grown. When it made him sick, he found that the Corporations now controlled the Doctors, and THEY would decide what got healed, not Man. The Corporations had been built to serve Man, but now it was Man who served the Corporations.
Feeling powerless in the face of this reality, Man bowed his head to Corporate will. One Man bowed down so far, he went full circle and shoved his head completely up his own ass! Someone should have "Nuked" him, but they didn't. The others asked what he was doing, and he explained that with his head up his ass, he could pretend not to know what was going on around him. He could even imagine that he was still in control. They asked about the smell, but the Man explained that the air wasn't much better outside. They were concerned about the Darkness. Man had always been afraid of the Darkness. But the Man explained that was because they were afraid that what was in the Darkness would be worse than what they could see. The reverse was now true.
Upon realizing that this was, in fact, the case, almost all of the creatures called Man stuck their heads up their asses, too, and they live that way to this day. A few Farmers still Farm, and a few Herders still Herd. A handful of Miners, and Warriors, and Doctors, and Lawyers still struggle to ply their trades in the old fashion, but most live with their heads completely up their asses and serve the Corporations, the Beasts that now rule the Masters.
Somewhere between the Cowering Beast and the Noble Dream the creature called Man lost his way. Today most of Man now lives hanging by a thin thread that is all that remains of his once vast potential. The thread is stretched taut between the mountain of things he got wrong in so many of his yesterdays and the scant few things he has yet to get wrong in his few remaining tomorrows. Luckily for Man, he cannot see this because his head is in a very dark place where the only light comes from a small hole behind his left ear that shows him the way he came in, and most of that light is blocked by his own shoulders. His only concern about the thread is that the only ones who make SCISSORS any more are the Corporations! For Man everything now smells like the back of a bush. He can, however, take comfort in the knowledge that at least he finally did get to see his Dream come true. At last, Man is the Master of everything he can see!
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