(This piece was originally titled "On Depression")
There are scars on my heart,
But in time those scars will heal,
And in the end my heart
Will still know how to feel.
For I have known much Joy,
Just as I have known much Pain,
And I have no doubt that I will have the chance
To know them both again.
So I will glory in the Joys
That I might overcome the Pain.
I will revel in the sunshine,
And I will play out in the rain.
I will shout into the thunderstorms,
And I will dance upon the wind,
For I will always know, whatever comes or goes,
I will live to love again.
So don’t you try to tell me
That Depression has to win,
‘Cause I will not roll over,
And I will not give in.
I won’t let past heartaches cost me
All the Joys I’ve yet to live,
For I will always know, whatever comes or goes,
I will live to love again.
Summer of '04
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Author's Note: I refer to depression as "The Great Toothy Beast", and it is a Beast I have faced on more than a few occasions in my past. Obviously, this was written during one of those times. Depression tends to come in waves, and when I felt one of those waves coming on I would sing this to myself. (Yes, it was meant to be sung! But, I thought depressed people might be more apt to read my Poetry than my Songs, so I believed there was a better chance of someone in need finding it here.)
I also took to actually taking the physical steps mentioned therein. I would stop on bright sunny days, and take a moment to lift my face to the Sun, and revel in it. I would slip discreetly out into the rain, and I would dance around with my arms spread wide on windy days. I would also step out into thunderstorms and recite it "quite loudly". I was convincing myself that if "A" followed "B", etc., these steps would just as logically lead me to the Healing at the end of the song. This may sound silly, but I MADE myself believe it, and so it worked.
I realize it's just a band-aid at best, but a good band-aid at the right time may just save a life. I've shared this with several people over the years who I knew to be fighting The Great Toothy Beast, and many of them said it helped. I only explain all of this now in the hope that it might just help others as well.
I do, however, caution you. A band-aid on a deep wound may save you until you can get proper help, BUT you STILL need to get the help. This is no different. DO NOT try to fight the Great Toothy Beast ALONE!
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Further Note: I was only able to identify and take steps to combat my depression, because a high school "Psyche I" Teacher, named Theresa Bryant, took the time, many years before, to TEACH ME! To this day I believe I only survived that first battle because of the tools she gave me, and all of my Love, my Children, my Words, and my Dreams which followed, I owe, in great part, to her. Jacquie and my Sons are now my Armor against Depression, but the first Weapons with which I might combat that Great Toothy Beast were placed in my hand by a Teacher. So was the Pen.
Be Safe, Be Well, Be Loved,
D. Allen Sherman
My Native Tongue
Anyone who has ever traveled to a foreign country where theirs is not the prevalent language, has probably noticed that they can hear their mother tongue spoken even across a crowded and noisy room. My ears are keener still, for I can hear my native tongue spoken from 4 blocks away! My native tongue is Bullshit.
When, in the same foreign country, a native of that land tries to converse with you in your own language, you appreciate the effort, regardless of how clumsy their attempt may be. After a while, however, even the most polite traveler, may note that prolonged exposure to the butchering of their mother tongue tends to grate on one's ear. In this, I am no different. While I appreciate those of you who try to speak proper Bullshit to me, after successive clumsy attempts, it does offend my ear.
For this reason, I shall try to confine my musings to English, but, should I occasionally lapse into my Native Tongue, please, bear with me and do not feel obliged to join me on a similar linguistic tangent.
If this note offends you, you should probably leave now, before my thoughts on Religion and Politics cause you serious distress.
Tears and Rage
When I was a child I was taught of America. It was a Fabled Land where the milk and honey of Freedom ran in the streets, conceived by an idealistic people who, having felt themselves oppressed for so long, rose up and threw out their oppressors. It was born of a miracle of courage and determination that led landed gentry and peasant farmers, merchants and tradesmen, Protestants and Catholics to see beyond their personal differences, band together, and rise up as one, declaring to the world, "We will bear the yoke of tyranny no more!"
And I believed. From the spacious skies to the amber waves of grain, I believed. I was fortunate enough to be able to travel this land from sea to shining sea, and I believed. Then I saw poverty and hunger. I saw ignorance and bigotry. I saw hatred. I asked how these could exist in such a glorious and just land, and, much like the boy who could not see the Emperor's New Clothes, I was shushed. So I did as I was told, and I was quiet. I did as I has been taught, and I believed. I still do.
The words that will follow in this place do not evince any change in that belief. Rather, it is as a result of that belief that I feel compelled to write them now. If you have known something precious when it was bright and new, and then you see it tarnished and worn, even cast down in the mud and trampled upon, do you not weep to see its abuse and do everything in your power to lift it up and repair it as best you can? If you know that abuse to be deliberate, do you not feel rage?
I see this Fabled Land, once a shining beacon in the night to the oppressed throughout the world, now tarnished and soiled. Her noble flag, woven of hope in the face of despair, and defended with the blood of her Heroes, that blessed Star Spangled Banner, I see now tattered and worn. I weep to see these abuses, and I would repair them. I see the sacred parchments of "We the People" and the precious ideals they espouse cast down in the mud and wantonly trampled. I see the very precepts upon which this nation was founded twisted and betrayed for personal gain, and I rage!
This does not mean that my belief has been lessened. My Faith in this nation and that for which it once stood is stronger than ever. It is those things for which it has been made to stand that give me pause. It is the flagrant usurpation of individual freedoms, once held so dear, that move me to tears. It is the brazen betrayal of the public trust for political and financial gain which leads me to rage! I am not moved to such strong emotions by any weakening of my belief, but rather by its strength.
I still believe. But I also still see, and, unlike that child who questioned so long ago, I will no longer be shushed. The Emperor has NO new clothes! In fact, he's stealing yours! These are my tears. This is my rage. Where, in the name of all that is right, and just, and decent, are yours?
Saturday, December 2, 2006
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